Everyone's heard about the beloved Girls Gone Wild - I know that flipping through the channels late at night I've come across some sort of info-mercial for it. Well boys and girls, have I got a treat for you, for this limited time offer (not including shipping and handling) I bring you, Boys Gone Wild: The Parliment Edition.
Okay, I lied... kind of... I came across an article... feel free to read the entire thing - it's fabulous. But, to save yourself time and having to comb over some a few extra commas, large words and other such syntatical components... just read what I've highlighted - It's the good parts!
Few people know this, but when Stephen Harper and Stéphane Dion were attending MP School, they actually roomed together.
MP School, as everyone knows, is that special academy outside Ottawa where recently elected and re-elected Members of Parliament go for a refresher course on how government works. In the spirit of bi-partisanship, elected officials are assigned roommates at random, which is how Harper and Dion ended up sharing a unit.
They are, of course, sworn enemies these days, what with Harper being the prime minister, and Dion the new Liberal leader desperate to become the next prime minister.
Even when they were roomies, there was some tension, but that's just typical when two people must share a kitchen, bathroom and a TV room.
Like every time Dion would want a glass of milk, he'd find Harper had put the container back into the fridge empty. Dion was worried Harper would snitch his food, especially things like steak and potatoes, so he started making up salads with lots of greens in them. Harper, he figured, would never eat those. But one day, Harper's tastes changed, and he'd nibble on Dion's baby carrots and celery sticks.
"Nice radicchio," Harper said, exiting the kitchen after eating the last of Dion's salad.
One night, Harper and Dion had a big fight over what they'd watch on TV. Harper voted for a Die Hard movie, while Dion argued for Amélie. "Are there ANY explosions in it?" Harper asked. "Or have you picked yet another chick movie?"
They got to shouting, which brought a complaint from the neighbours, a couple of politicians from outside Montreal.
The next day, Dion had a brainstorm. He picked some flowers from alongside the highway and went over to the neighbours' place. "I am so sorry about our behaviour," Dion said, extending the fistful of exhaust-scented flowers as the door opened.
"I guess they could go next to those," the Quebecers said, pointing to a huge bouquet of blue flag irises, Quebec's official flower, with an attached card that read, "My bad! Love, Stephen."
"Oh," said Dion.
Dion went back into the unit he shared with Harper, grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. On the way to class, a kid on a skateboard stopped to kick him. A little old lady mailing a letter did the same. When Dion came to a corner near a school zone, a crossing guard kicked him in the shins.
"What are you doing?" he demanded to know. "Why is everyone kicking me?"
The crossing guard drew his attention to the "kick me" sign stuck to his backpack.
"Ohhh!" said Dion. "He makes me SO angry!"
Every morning, Harper had managed to get into the bathroom before Dion, so the last day of MP School Dion set his alarm extra early. But when he got to the bathroom door, it was locked, and he could hear the shower running. "Drat!" Dion said. "He anticipates my every move!"
When Harper finally emerged, towelling his hair, he grinned at Dion and said, "All yours."
There was no hot water left, and the shower was so cold it nearly froze a couple of Dion's bits off. When he came out of the bathroom, shivering, a towel wrapped around his waist, Harper was walking down the hall, dressed and ready to head off to class.
"Hey, you," said Dion. "You left no hot water for me, you know. You are so mean to me."
Harper said, "What's worse than a hurricane?"
Dion said, "I do not know. What is worse than a hurricane?"
Harper reached out to the shirtless Dion and said, "Nipple twister."
Harper went outside and got behind the wheel of a spanking new bus so he could give all the MP School attendees from Ontario a ride to class. Back in the building, Dion could still be heard screaming.
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